Derek Hathaway

14th August 1948 - 12th September 2020

Derek Hathaway

Derek unexpectedly passed away on Saturday 12th September 2020, aged 72.

Much loved husband of Anne, father of Helen and Martin, grandfather of Jack, Henry, Annmarie and Peter and friend of many.

A service was held for family, and a few close friends, at Trent Valley Crematorium on Tuesday 29th September.
Below is a transcript of the service

Tributes

We thank you all for the comments and tributes to Derek. They are all very much appreciated
A very good article was published by the Derby Evening Telegraph about Derek detailing just how much Derek did in the community

Donations

Donations, in lieu of flowers, were requested in Derek's memory.
An amazing £2550 has been raised, so far, which has been shared between:

If you would like to make a donation, a page has been set up on JustGiving

Funeral Cortege

The funeral cortege left Derek's home at 1045, taking the following route: Church Street, Chapel Street, Sitwell Street, Church Hill, Church Street, Locko Road, Sancroft Road and then through Ockbrook and Borrowash to the crematorium.

Below are some pictures from the journey through Spondon and at the Crematorium

Memorial Service

The service took place at 1130, on Tuesday 29th September 2020, at Trent Valley Crematorium, Aston on Trent

Download a copy of the Order of Service

Welcome

Deborah Wharton

Entrance Music: Boney on St Helena by New Scorpion Band

Good morning and welcome.
My name is Deborah Wharton and I've been asked to lead this ceremony where we shall remember the life and love of Derek Hathaway.

Derek lived his life with energy and enthusiasm. He and Anne have travelled to every continent on Earth save for the Antarctic, which was, you may not be surprised to learn, a considered decision due to the very delicate nature of the environment there. As keen adventurers, each trip this intrepid duo took surprised and delighted them, and invariably it would include some element of discovering more about, or simply enjoying travelling on, Derek's beloved steam trains.

Having enjoyed good health and an active lifestyle throughout his seventy-two years a sudden heart attack brought the end quickly and most shockingly for all of you who loved him. Helen and Martin have pointed out, as calmly and reasonably as their Dad, that it was probably for the best. He wouldn't have liked, and was spared, the pain and indignity of prolonged illness and had even been walking in Allestree Park with Anne the afternoon before the event that ended his life.

And, like many of us, he was sick and tired of the awful effect on society of COVID-19 and, especially, Brexit!

Throughout this ceremony, it is believed that a portrait of an intelligent man of principal and careful consideration shall emerge and the stories told will build up to a point where we may just catch a glimpse of all that his family have lost.

Words and music have been carefully chosen to reflect those things that Derek most appreciated along with some of the little things that made him the man you all know and love, no matter how annoying he could be occasionally.

Anne, Helen and Martin have asked that I thank you for coming here today, whether in person or, because of the times we live in, by video link, to pay your respects to Derek and to support them as we say this final farewell together. Your messages of support have provided much appreciated comfort and although it hasn't been possible to respond to everybody yet, Anne will soon be ready to catch up with you more personally.

And of course, a massive thank you is extended for your generosity in supporting three very worthy charities:

  • Spondon Village Improvement Committee
  • Royal Derby Hospital Intensive Care Unit, who looked after Derek so well in his final few days
  • Derby and Sandiacre Canal Society

There will be no donation box here but you may still donate online afterwards if you wish to, in loving memory of Derek.

Martin has written his own very personal tribute to his Dad which he will share now


A Tribute to Dad

Martin Hathaway

Jeez! The things my dad would do to get me into a full suit and a tie! I don't often wear a tie, or a jacket, even for work these days.

Anyway... I have to say, this is somewhat awkward. It is one of those things that you, sort of, know is inevitable, but you really don't want to accept is actually happening. I don't really know where to start - maybe with the now often-quoted:

2020, the year that just keeps on giving!

On a more serious note, you all know my Dad was a vociferous supporter of many local organisations. As someone so eloquently put it, in a reply to the announcement on the funeral directors Facebook page:

Derek was well known in Spondon and worked tirelessly for the local community.
There are very few people in Spondon who won't have benefitted in some way from Derek's huge efforts over the years and he leaves a very big hole in the community

But there are also several organisations that he had involvement in, that people might not be so aware of. This is by no means a conclusive list, but includes things like him being:

  • Chairman of the Derby Multiple Sclerosis Society
  • Chairman of the National Association of Governors and Managers
  • A Governor of the local schools Helen and I attended - Thanks for that, Dad. It meant I was even more scared, than the average pupil, of doing anything wrong for fear of him getting to know about it!
  • A Service Volunteer for the RNIB, meaning he went out to help blind and partially sighted people when they had problems with their Talking Book machines or computers. This is something that I am pleased to say I did with him when I was younger, have continued to do, and will continue to do in his memory

He did all this because he was someone who wanted to help other people and he was a principled person, who stood up for what he believed in. So much so, that I still remember getting into a blazing argument with him about which sixth form college I wanted to attend - he didn't believe in the way the one I wanted to go to was funded.

I lost!

If that doesn't show just how strongly he stood up for his own views, I don't know what will!

Speaking of education, my Dad has a degree in Maths. Did any of that (useful) skill get passed down to me? No! It seems that gene skipped a generation and went to the grandkids, Jack and Peter in particular. What did I get? A crap sense of humour (as possibly being shown right now) sarcasm and the inability to park a car. I say that in jest as, obviously, I did get a lot of incredibly useful skills from Dad... Not just sarcasm and ranting at people!! Having said that, it is fair to say that my Dad often had a joke or a sarcastic comment for, pretty much, every occasion. There would often be a, sometimes misplaced, snidey remark or witticism coming back.

Humour is sometimes the best way of dealing with situations such as this. It is something Dad used to very good effect and, again, is something I use myself. I would, therefore, like to take this opportunity to look at some of the more humorous aspects to Dads life, and try and bring a bit of a smile to people's faces. So, if you could try and laugh, in the right places, that would be appreciated. I'll start with a 'freebie'...

I have four words that will strike fear into many of you: Hathaway. Christmas. Candle. Race.

How many of the people assembled here, and on the webcast, can't say that they haven't either been part of or, at the very least, heard about this 'tradition'. It is legendary.

For those that might not be aware, let me explain. It is a very simply premise. It was a once-a-year thing, usually - but not always - on Boxing Day. You start with an old piece of chipboard, with several birthday candles - one for each person present. Each candle is numbered, and a number drawn to assign you your candle for the remainder of the event.

Each candle was then lit, and the winner would be the person whose candle remained lit the longest - I did say it was a simple idea.

The 'fun' part of it (although I use the term loosely, now I think back on it) was when you got down to the final few candles... most of the candle had gone, and the wick was surviving on nothing more than the tiniest pool of wax that was left or, in some cases, the chipboard itself. Sometimes, this final stage could go on for hours... ok, minutes. It just felt like hours. The suspense was incredible! (again, I use the term loosely)

One year, and I am never going to forget this, we had some Christmas pudding shaped candles that we decided to use. What we didn't realise, until it was a bit too late, was that they were slow burning candles - the game went on for hours, and this time I do mean hours. Grandparents were falling asleep. The leftover turkey had been finished. And I do have a very vague recollection that we may have just given up completely and called it a score draw!

He had an interesting parenting technique. If, as kids, we ever had to be told off, there was usually a lesson to be learnt, and he made sure we learnt it. Both my sister and I have been scarred for life following food-related lessons that we were taught when we were kids. In my case, I was playing with a bowl of ice cream, not really eating it, letting it melt a little. My Dad got frustrated and took the bowl from me and put it in the microwave and made sure it was properly melted!

I'll not steal her thunder and I will leave the story of the pink custard to your imagination and let my sister tell that tale, when she is ready!

He had his nicknames for Helen and me - "Ratbag", was one of his favourites (admittedly, more for me than Helen). He also, for some bizarre reason, often used to use "Cherub". And, yes, before you ask, for both of us. Of all the words that could be used to describe me, cherubic is not one of them! Helen, maybe. But not me. He also would go for the ironic, a lot of time. As I grew up, and became as tall as him, he would often introduce me as his "little boy"!

Trying to find some positives out of these recent events, there are customer service agents all around the world who must now be breathing a huge sigh of relief. I am sure there are many who have ended up in tears when they have been on the receiving end of a "Hathaway Rant" - Again, something that I am pleased to say I have also been doing, and will continue to do, in his honour!

But let me be clear on this, it wasn't that he was nasty to them - far from it. He wasn't one of these people you see or hear clips of, on YouTube, who are just shouting and ranting and raving at the agent for no apparent reason. His arguments were always logical and well thought through and, as previously mentioned, it was simply because he stood up for what he believed in.

He had his interesting little foibles and traits. One of his more impressive (if that is the word) is, silly as it sounds, his peeling of an apple. Following a meal, he would often have a piece of fruit - often an apple. For whatever reason, he didn't like the skin and would peel the apple. That's fine, and he is entitled to have the apple as he wants it. However, he wouldn't do what normal people do, and get a peeler out. He would sit there, for sometimes 10 or 20 minutes, with a sharp knife, taking miniscule slithers of the peel off, piece by painstaking piece.

There was then his, unmistakable, fashion sense - and, yes, before anyone says anything, I do appreciate this is the pot calling the kettle black. There is a very good friend of Dads, Vic Wiseman, who often used to refer to Dads "sartorial elegance". Dad liked his hats and wore them often. But it is the "legend of the stripey shirt" for which he'll likely be remembered. This is the one where, at a family gathering, we found a family group photograph, that we eventually worked out was taken about 10 years earlier... he was wearing the exact same shirt!!

The Stripey Shirt

He was, though, someone who lived life to the full. Another of his 'sarcastic' comments (although, I am now aware that he just plagiarised it!), that I also use a lot myself, is:

I'll try anything once, except Morris Dancing and Incest

I can only offer my apologies to any Morris Dancers present. The other party can... well...

But he did try things. Him and mum, if you'll excuse the expression, did get around a bit! They travelled a lot and would always, wherever possible, go for the local cuisine including, in Ecuador I believe, guinea pig. I think my mum passed on that one.

But who here can forget those times when you were subjected to hours (and hours, and hours... and hours) of their pictures from one of their many, various and varied, travels around the world? They have, quite literally, seen the world. And I think they must be the only people with more air miles than Alan Whicker!

And when they did go away, it wasn't just your standard week or two. Oh no! They'd be gone for months at a time. They came back from one of their many multi-month jaunts and Dad proclaimed, almost straight away, that they were already at the point of booking their next 'big trip', with Dad explaining that they were

Just spending mine and my sister's inheritance

My reply was simple...

It just means you'll end up in a cheaper nursing home

Well, he got out of that one, didn't he!!?

You'll be shocked and surprised to hear that many of the holidays him and mum went on involved trains at some point in the holiday. In some cases, special diversions were made to allow him to do a particular line, or to see a particular engine or other railway related museum.

I never could work out whether mum actually shared his passion or whether, if you'll excuse the pun, she just went along for the ride!

He loved his trains... well, OK. Not all of them. He has a distinct dislike of diesels - about the same amount of disdain he had for gas BBQs! It had to be steam for him (and, for reference, charcoal for the BBQ). Therefore, I hope you will appreciate (and snigger at) the picture we have found of him driving a diesel, at the Erewash Model Railway Society, on his 70th birthday!!

Driving a diesel

My Dad always had a bit of a knack for 'timing' things well.

We were both looking at Soundbars to go with the TV and Dad had decided to take Sonos up on their offer of a 100-day trial. In best tradition, it arrived just a few days before his demise. Still, on the plus side, never one to miss an opportunity, it saved me having to request one as I have taken his home to try out for myself... Although this was only after I'd spent far too much time trying to remove it from his, somewhat complicated, setup.

Never one for doing things the simple way, it was just one of many things, over the last week or two, that I've had to try and work out what he had done, following my automatic promotion to Head of IT and Tech Support for my mum and sister!

There are then the obvious things he now misses... e.g. Brexit and COVID. I think the less said about Brexit, the better. It would have only triggered another of his "Hathaway Rants"!

And, as for COVID.... There is part of me that is disappointed we are only allowed 30 people in the room with us today. I could well imagine that, without that restriction, there would be many, many more! He never was one for being the centre of attention, so maybe he decided now was the time for precisely that reason. However, whilst it is sad that there are not more people who can be here in person, to celebrate his life, there is part of me that thinks COVID might have done us a favour. With the service being streamed, it is quite feasible that there could be more people 'present', even if it is isn't in person.

No entry!

I talked earlier about the amount Dad did around his home village of Spondon. One of his final legacies was getting the junction of Sitwell Street and Chapel Street converted to one-way. For those that don't know, this was always a bit of a nightmare junction in the centre of Spondon that caused no end of problems... particularly when there was a bus, sometimes two, or a lorry trying to negotiate this tricky junction.

He'd spent years campaigning for it, so there is some consolation that he did at least get to see it converted to one-way just a few weeks ago. And, back to my previous point, it is the most ironic of timing that it transpires the first people to be ticketed by the Police for going the wrong way happened on the Thursday when he was lying in a hospital bed!

We did wonder about asking the funeral directors whether we would be allowed to take the funeral procession the wrong way up Chapel Street. He would have loved the irony of that!

That is just one of the many legacies he will leave, not just in Spondon, but in the many organisations he had involvement with, and we should remember him for that. Whilst this is, obviously, a sad day we should remember the good things about Dad and the positive effect he had on a lot of people. The number of people lining the streets of Spondon, as we passed through earlier, is also testament to how many people knew him, respected him, and who had some sort of positive improvement because of his involvement.

Something that is less well-known is that he went on to be an organ donor. Again, and you will note that this is a recurring theme, in that, (1) it was something he felt very strongly about, and (2) it will help someone else. And back to his knack, or should I say lack of, 'timing', it transpired that, when he finally passed away, it was Organ Donation Week.

We have taken some consolation in this, and my mum, sister and I all, genuinely and sincerely, hope that someone else has now been given the chance of life. We have already received a letter from the Organ Donation Service advising that his kidneys went on to help two people who have been waiting a long time - one of them over two years!

One, very important, point I would like to make here - as this is something none of my Mum, Sister or I were aware of - is that, apparently, only 1 in 100 people can become donors even if they want to. I really do feel strongly that this should be publicised more. I suppose there is the argument that this could disappoint some families, in a similar situation who, for whatever reason, can't be donors. However, it is surprising how many people I have spoken to who were not aware.

So, do be sad. He was a good man who will be very sadly missed, but also remember him for the good that he brought to this world.

I will leave you with the words of the late, great, Terry Pratchett - who Dad was a big fan of. There is, what I think is, a very fitting quote in one of his books, where he says:

Anyway, if he hasn't gone to a better place, he'll damn well be setting out to improve it

Terry Pratchett Lords & Ladies

What better way is there to describe Dad?

Rest in peace Dad. Love you forever!


Derek's Story

Deborah Wharton

Born 14th August 1948, in Fulham, South West London, Derek was the only and much loved child of Pat and Arthur Hathaway.

We may surmise that his childhood was largely unremarkable for the time, in that he did well in school and that in those days, when large groups of young people socialised mostly around local dances, church groups or the YHA, or Youth Hostelling Association, he chose this last option.

As early baby boomers Derek's generation was keen to escape the smoke and pollution of big cities as they throbbed with the busyness of reconstruction and regeneration following the devastation of War, into the peace and very welcome fresh air of the countryside. And perhaps none were quite as keen, understandably, as those living in London, where remedial construction continued on a grand scale.

Anne doesn't recall much of their first meeting or indeed their first date, or perhaps her memories are too precious to share, which is understandable. But she does recall many happy days out together and numerous trips back and forth to Norwich from St Ives, in Cambridgeshire, as Derek attended the University of East Anglia, and her family had made their own escape to the country.

It was while visiting his Mum in Southport that Derek took Anne out for a meal and 'popped the question' to which she happily said 'Yes!'

The wedding was held in the Registry Office 7th March, 1970 followed by a modest 'do' in the Village Hall afterwards. Anne laughed as she recalled that the night before the wedding, while Derek joined his family for a very posh dinner courtesy of his father, her dad got his family fish 'n' chips.

With the wedding over the happy couple set off for their honeymoon touring North Wales and afterwards Derek and Anne returned to their cosy little home in Spondon, where life continued as before with his work at Rolls Royce, and hers as a Library Assistant, until Helen arrived some two years later and Martin completed the family four years after that.

After spending most of his career at Rolls Royce it seems funny that Derek only ever intended to stay for about a year. At that point he planned to leave and pursue a Masters degree but he subsequently changed his mind.

The family home often rang with laughter, sometimes inappropriately so. Both Helen and Martin say that their Dad's dry sense of humour very often tipped into sarcasm and perhaps it was this, along with his intense nature and unshakeable belief that there were two ways of doing things, his way and the wrong way, that caused some people to be a bit unsure of him or his intentions.

Derek processed situations in a way not dissimilar to the computers that he worked with, in that he compiled all available data, assessed its relevance and impact and came up with a theory or solution to the situation very quickly. And once he had made up his mind he could explain his rationale when required, but it could be difficult to get him to change it.

Nobody's perfect though, are they? And it's these tiny blemishes that are very often exactly the things we remember most fondly, or stick out in our memory. And there are so many things about Derek to remember that will cause a smile.

His adventurous spirit saw he and Anne travel the world and really explore and fully immerse himself in the culture, the smells, the food and the people. Not for them the big hotels, cruise ships or a full English breakfast when local food was so delicious. And their final trip was to Costa Rica and the Caribbean in order to celebrate their Golden Wedding Anniversary.

He delighted in those SKI holidays - spending the kids' inheritance - and the planning was every bit as important as the trip itself, for this was a huge part of his and Anne's hobby.

He loved reading, mostly Terry Pratchett and about the history of war, which kept him entertained, as did the miniature railway he built following his retirement.

And his committee work was very important to him. He may not have joined any work parties, as Anne says, "he was a manager, not a doer", but he certainly worked hard to make things better.

As we are all aware, whether home or away, things almost inevitably go wrong at some time or other, and when they did Derek dealt with the issues quickly and calmly, as was his way. If there was nothing to be done, he just moved on to the next thing without getting too upset. But if fault lay with somebody else, he simply sued them when he got home.

Sometimes, those things that seemed most disappointing, provided some of the most unique and special memories of all. Like the time a scheduled train ride was cancelled in Madagascar. Knowing that this was likely, Anne and Derek had their driver take them over to check the night before, and he took the news much worse than they did.

But early next morning the driver returned waving two tickets to ride on a little push you pull me maintenance wagon that only seated about fifteen or sixteen people in all. This was much more exciting than simply sitting in another carriage, and never more so than when they took their turn sitting on a simple plank on the front, dangling their feet over the rails and revelling in the cool breeze as they admired the uninterrupted panorama of the exotically stunning landscape.

On another occasion a fondly anticipated train hadn't been running for some time but when Derek and Anne were once more driven over to check it out, they discovered to their delight that it was indeed back in service, for the first time in a long time, that day.

Anne says that she laughingly called a guy with a basket plying his trade in snacks and drinks the 'buffet car' and as they sat on the roof to fully appreciate the sights, smells and welcome breeze as they rattled along, somebody else played the pan pipes and truly all seemed right in the world.

Some of you may be thinking of other parts of Derek's life, wondering when we'll talk about those. But there isn't time here to discuss them all. Derek certainly didn't waste time, did he? So you'll have to catch up and keep sharing all of those lovely stories later.

With so many memories to choose from how might you most like to remember him?

  • Maybe he's celebrating righting some wrong he feels strongly about or planning his next line of offence.
  • There's his miniature railway to play with of course, which provided hours and hours of concentrated attention and fun.
  • Or maybe he's down on the floor delighting in the company of precious grandchildren; Jack, Henry, Annmarie and Peter. There's a precious video clip of him teaching a not-quite-two-year-old Annmarie the names and colours of Thomas the Tank Engine and his cohorts. She seems less than impressed!
  • And he simply loved his grandson, Henry's, recent mastery of millionaire's shortbread, which tastes, we're reliably informed, divine.
  • Perhaps he's enjoying a drink with good friends as they put the world to rights. It may be a simple glass of red wine, or a pint of good real ale. For goodness' sake don't put him in one of those nasty Greene King pubs. Or maybe he's savouring a glass of the good stuff, his favourite rich, single malt whisky.

One thing is for sure, whenever you want to, you can bring Derek to mind and bask in the memory of his love of life, adventure and you. And that is quite some legacy.


Committal and Visual Tribute

In a moment I shall ask that you stand, if you're able and comfortable to do so, as we say this final farewell. The curtains will close and then I'll request that you sit once more as we enjoy snapshots of a life filled with a close and loving family, the very best of friends and all kinds of fun. Please stand.

As we commit the body of Derek Hathaway we remember the good and the strong and the joy in his life.

We rejoice that he lived and are glad that we knew him. We treasure that we walked with him the way of life. We cherish the memory of his words and his works, his character and quality. With love we leave him in peace, with respect we bid him farewell.

(Curtains closed) Please sit.

Video size is 170Mb. It is recommended to be on a fast internet connection before accessing

Visual Tribute music: Angels Awake by Carlyle Fraser
The Wreath

The wreath placed on the coffin


Close

Deborah Wharton

On their travels Derek and Anne have undoubtedly spent many a peaceful night enthralled by the beauty of nature and bathed in the light of countless stars. It feels like such a blessing to look up on such a night and simply lose yourself enjoying such spectacular sights as shooting stars, falling stars or even the Borealis, whether Northern or Southern Lights, the displays they put on are simply spectacular.

But most of those stars just hold their space and glow, don't they? And many apparently died long, long ago, but their light, travelling as it has across billions of years, remains as bright to us on Earth as it always has and will continue to do so, for millennia to come.

And perhaps there is a link with Derek.

Derek wasn't loud or showy like a shooting star, but his calm compassion and way of explaining things, clearly showed the way of sense and reason. And just like one of those stars, he just held his place in the night sky.

When Helen and Martin stepped out of line as children, their Dad clearly defined what had gone wrong, why it was wrong and often gave invaluable advice on what to do next, even if it wasn't always heeded.

But Derek remained true to form. Waves of passion and drama may swirl around him but his light was calm, steady and endlessly reassuring; much like a lighthouse.

Lighthouses and stars have a lot in common, when you think about it, and seafarers across the centuries have used the light from each of them to guide their vessels into safe harbour, just as you have used Derek to guide you and keep you safe from harm.

And now, like a star, Derek's life has ended but his light, in the legacy of common sense, of calm, sensible processing of data and of love, that he has left with each one of you, will continue to shine in your hearts and minds for all the rest of your days.

In a minute I'll lead the way outside, but for now, this last track is from a band that Derek and Martin especially enjoyed, and this song refers to travelling so the reason to include it are fairly self explanatory...

Closing Music: The Deserter by The Oysterband

Wake at the Malt Shovel, Spondon

Following the service, there was a small wake at the Malt Shovel in Spondon.
The following slideshow was produced, to allow more pictures of Derek to be shown:

Tributes

We know Derek was an active and valued member of the community.
If you haven't already, and would like to, the family would be very pleased if you would leave a tribute to Derek using the form below.

Many thanks

Anne, Helen and Martin

We know there are a lot of people who would liked to have attended the funeral.
As numbers were restricted at the crematorium, It was streamed via a WebCast

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